“I have no greater joy tan this, to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” (3 Jn 1:4, NRSV)
Dear father or mother, remember that no one teaches us how to be parents. We do it by trial and error. So, in this second part we want to talk to you about another very negative parenting style which many parents use especially when they work. This is the permissive or “hands off” style.
This style is characterized by the parent’s absence in that even though they are physically present, it is as if they were not. They delegate responsibilities to their children that are really their own as parents thinking that they should know how to manage their own lives.
These are parents busy with their own ambitions, needs, and desires which fill their lives to the point that they neglect their children. They establish few rules and if their children break them, there are no consequences. The relinquish their own control and authority to their children regardless of their age.
These parents do not guide, correct, or teach their children how to distinguish between good and bad behavior, nor do they have an expectation as to what their children’s appropriate behavior should be.
This parenting style is employed in most cases by weak parents who are filled with guilt for leaving their children alone while going to work, or parents who have a personality flaw which leads them to think they need to give everything to their children, or they will feel like they are bad parents.
We find an example in the Bible of Eli, who was permissive with his children, and God punished him.
This permissive parenting style raises children who do not know the limits of their actions, they have no boundaries, and they do not understand what is best for their lives. These children do not learn to obey rules or behavioral norms appropriate for society.
Additionally, many children raised by this parenting style can exhibit violent behavior due to anger that is out of control, or they can fall into risky behaviors such as addictions, living lives out of control because they never received the discipline that would help them with self-control.
In general, these children become indifferent since they think that the world owes them everything, and they have no strive to achieve goals.
Also, they can exhibit self-esteem problems. Usually, they have over-bearing attitudes and no self-awareness of their mistakes because they think others are to blame.
Their behavior can be perceived as thoughtless, misleading, and unproductive. In general, these children spend their lives depending on others, never excel in what they do, since they are not responsible and undependable.
Dear parents, children need discipline and require a time investment so they can learn to be responsible for themselves and fulfill their commitments.
May God bless you in all you are doing today.
Dr. Miguel e Irene Garita
Family Care Pastor
Church of the Nazarene, Mesoamerica Region
