“Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls.” Proverbs 25:28 NKJV

We live in a difficult and complex society, where only the most capable will gain success and better opportunities. Dear parents, as we recommended in the first part of this article, teach and help your children to be capable. We know that this is not easy, but in order to facilitate this task, we will teach you how their personality is made up.

Children grow up building their personality based on two things. The first, and I believe the most important, is what you say they should be and do.

Constantly, many parents tell their children “Be honest” but they lie, and “Be brave” yet they are constantly displaying fear. They say to their children “Have faith” but do not show they have it. Someone said: “Parents’ words will go with their children,” this is why you must be careful of what you say to them. Children must hear that you are positive, that you have and live in faith and hope, and that you are optimistic even in the face of life’s difficulties.

Many parents say one thing and do another, their actions are not coherent with what they are teaching. This causes children not to trust these parents because they do not back up their words with their actions. This also causes children to have a fearful, insecure and weak personality.

Also, there are some parents who are constantly complaining about everything, speaking in anger and frustration or talking about their fears, illnesses and struggles without any hope. How sad to live with parents who are sending these types of messages!

The second thing on which children build their personalities is the example of their parents, who are their models for behaviour. Children copy their parents’ way of speaking, behaving, thinking as well as their way of dealing with life. This is very important as children acquire a model of faith, beliefs and how to relate with God, in addition to the practices of the Christian life.

Parents who are spiritual or only religious, or who live the Christian life as nothing more than a tradition, without a deep faith in Christ, model this to their children who will have the tendency to repeat this when they become adults.

Added to these two elements are life experiences, both good and bad, such as being rejected by parents or by society. Our children use all these things we have mentioned to build the personality with which they will face the world. This is like a “suit” they put on to face the world and sometimes, it can become their prison. This will only change if we teach our children that God, through the sacrifice of Christ on the cross, can remove that suit and clothe them in a new one – that will change the way in which they face life.

Parents, you are builders of your children’s personalities. We encourage you to seek God’s help to build them well.

May God help you in all you do today.

Dr. Miguel and Irene Garita
Family Care Ministry
Church of the Nazarene, Mesoamerica Region