“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22
We are in times when marriage has been so questioned and rejected that many young people no longer think about getting married, but prefer to live together as a couple – but without feeling the responsibility that being married entails; perhaps they lived in homes where the parents were not the best example of marriage.
In analyzing those marriages, all or the vast majority of them were united by love; they did not have separation, suffering or failure in mind. Possibly the same thing happened to you, you married out of love, but today you suffer because you are not happy in your marital relationship. It is beyond just love that there are a series of contributing factors that strengthen the relationship between spouses. If these factors are not in the relationship, there may be serious conflicts within the couple and family, which leads to failure and suffering for the spouses and their children. In this first part we will explore some of them.
- Communication. There are two examples of inadequate communication; one is claims and complaints. An example of this is when claims or complaints predominate in a couple. Every time they are together, they complain about everything.
Another example is when communication is stereotyped. Each one lives in their own world and speaks only what is necessary, for example: How did it go? Well, and you? Well. Other examples: “come and eat”, “I’m leaving”, “you need to pay the bills,” and the same answer “okay.” Couples have minimal conversations and this type of dialogue alienates each spouse; as the relationship becomes more impersonal, it loses the charm of good communication with the loved one.
- Loss of understanding of the spouse. Poor communication brings with it a loss of understanding of what the spouse feels and produces ideas such as: “he does not love me, he does not care about me,” and this generates mistrust. Couples gradually move apart while filling their voids in other ways, such as spending more time with friends, sports, studies, work, social networks, etc. All this contributes to the estrangement of the couple, weakening the marital and family relationship.
- Don’t listen. Many husbands and wives do not listen to their partner, or to their children, because they are far away in their own world, which makes them indifferent to family needs and relationships.
- Loss of confidence. This is another effect of inadequate communication, which is a vital element to strengthen the marriage relationship, because it gives security, tranquility and stability. Distrust causes unhealthy, controlling reactions that damage the relationship, and can lead to violent reactions.
Insecurity encourages the desire to get away. James 1:19 invites us to be ready to listen, slow to speak, and much slower to get angry.
It is important to know that if you improve communication, you strengthen the relationship.
In the second part we will give you more elements to strengthen your marriage relationship.
May God help you in everything you undertake today.
Dr. Miguel and Irene Garita
Family Care Ministry
Church of the Nazarene – Mesoamerica Region
Download this document here: Ideas to Improve Your Marriage Relationship
