The father of godly children has cause for joy. What a pleasure to have children who are wise. So give your father and mother joy! May she who gave you birth be happy.
Proverbs 23:24-25 (NLT)
The first two parts addressing this topic covered the idea that our children do not inherit their good or bad behavior. Only some traits are inherited, but children’s approach to life is learned at home.
Many parents do not consider the negative result when they model poor behavior in front of their children, and that can be painful. Some parents ask, “What did we do wrong?” or “What was our mistake?”
Let’s review some errors parents make that directly affect the behavior of their children.
- Guide them based on how you feel in the moment
There are parents who raise their children however they feel at the moment when they offer correction. Their interactions are based on their own emotional state, and that can lead to big problems. First, it means they do not have a plan ahead of time for how to guide their children. Second, they forget that they are always training their children, and the education they give should be rational and conscious. It should not be based on their own exhaustion, anger, lack of motivation or lack of clarity. It is also a concern if the parent is going through a time of depression.
Parents must plan how to raise their children based on what they want for their lives, which leads to the style or form of behavior for how they will act regardless of how the parent feels.
Raising children based on how a parent feels does not allow children to develop strong character. Emotions are untrustworthy and can change constantly. Even in a single day, one’s emotional state changes varies based on the situation of the moment.
This mistake also leads to children who allow every situation to affect them; they are not able to face a crisis or times of tension. They are moved by circumstances, by fads and impulses, which can change at any moment.
In addition, raising children this way creates angry, insecure and dependent kids, or kids who are constantly try to manipulate others to get what they want.
Our society needs men and women who are sure of their values and firm in their faith, not people who wobble with every doctrinal breeze.
- Use disproportionate punishments
Every son and daughter has a sense of justice. Consequences should be proportionate to the offense, but many parents discipline with anger, trying to discharge it in their children’s punishments. They have violent reactions, which make them aggressive parents.
These reactions form children with deep feelings of bitterness and anger, which translates into their own violent attitudes. Then they too react violently towards those they see as weaker.
We can include in this section parents who offer things they know their children will not be able to accomplish, causing children to feel frustrated and angry, and teaching them to lie in order to move on.
Parents, teach your kids with moderation and do what you promise to do. Then your children will be steady and constant, without violence.
May God help you in what you do today. In our next edition, we will talk more about how to raise successful children.
Doctor Miguel and Irene Garita
Family Care Ministry
Church of the Nazarene, Mesoamerica Region
