“The father of a righteous child has great joy; a man who fathers a wise son rejoices in him. May your father and mother rejoice; may she who gave you birth be joyful!” Proverbs 23:24-25
In Part 1 of this article, we saw that our children’s behavior, whether positive or negative, was learned at home, although some parents may not believe this to be true.
We also saw that many parents raise their children based on their own upbringing and on what they learned in their homes, while others do so with a sense of guilt or out of unresolved hurt. We noted that these different types of approaches to parenting cause errors to be made when raising children.
Two errors were discussed: first, believing that children’s upbringing bears no importance on them becoming good adults and second, parents disagreeing on how to raise their children.
Here in Part 2, we will see another common mistake which parents make when it comes to raising their children.
Overprotection. There can be many reasons for parents being overprotective, including: guilt, unprocessed trauma, fear and self esteem issues. These stir up a desire to protect and care in an exaggerated way which debilitates the children, making them believe that they are unable to face life unless someone helps them. They become fearful of life and extremely dependent.
Deep inside, the overprotective parents believe that their children cannot face life without their help and, because they love them so much, they must always protect them.
What actually happens is that a symbiotic relationship is formed – the fears and needs of the parents are fed by the insecurity and dependency the children have developed. Both feed into each other, making it difficult for both sides to heal and live free, secure and successful lives.
This type of parenting also produces other problems, especially when only one of the parents is overprotective, as there is then a conflict with the other. Also, the children create a type of “marriage” where they fill the emptiness of the overprotective mother or father, thus creating a very dysfunctional home.
Can God heal such a home? The answer is, “Yes”. Our God heals both the overprotective parent as well as the weakened, insecure child. Read Luke 4:17-20.
Dear mother or father, allow the healing of Jesus Christ into your life and that of your child.
The human race needs to protect its offspring, this is how we have survived; in many cases, however, this has become an obsession. Even when children, for the most part, are born with what is needed to face the world, the excessive care of their parents prevents them from developing their potential and the ability to deal with life.
In a way, the overprotective parent “robs” the child of a freedom in life where they learn from their failures and successes.
Dear parents, do not over protect your children. In order to heal, you must first understand that your desire to protect is not based on love for your child, but on your own fears, emptiness, or unresolved problems. You may need to forgive someone or forgive yourself. Find the source of your fears and carry them to Christ. As Ecclesiastes 3:15 says, what is, has already been; in other words, it has already happened. However, God restores the past so give Him what has happened so that you can be restored and receive healing. God carries your fears because the great love of God drives out fear.
If you are an overprotective parent, be free and allow your children to be free. With God’s help, they can have full lives.
May God help you in all you do today.
Dr. Miguel and Irene Garita
Family Care Ministry
Church of the Nazarene, Mesoamerica Region
Download it here: How to Raise Successful Children
