“Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.” Proverbs 13:24 NIV
We have seen that there are several factors which cause children to rule their parents and in this third part, we will discover how an unhealthy self esteem can also cause some parents to either react with fear, be very demanding or to have an indifferent attitude towards their children. This indifference results from being consumed with their own personal conflicts, which hinders them from taking care of the home environment. This causes them to adopt a permissive approach in order to avoid complicating their lives.
- Overprotective parents
Overprotective parents believe that loving their children means saving them from all forms of effort, as if it were a kind of compensation they must make. By doing this however, parents are protecting themselves from their own fears and preventing their children from exploring and having new experiences.
This is a form of repression which provokes two reactions in children: either they become fearful, insecure and timid or they have anger towards the parent who is repressing them. Many negative changes arise from such a situation – on one hand, the child may enjoy the excessive attention but on the other hand, they may see it as an attack on their ability to make their own choices.
We live in a time when children need to learn about the security, strength, persistence and effort
which discipline teaches and which will help them to be successful. As we have seen, however, the parents’ behavior has an effect on the children and the stress and unresolved issues which parents are dealing with cause dysfunctional behaviors to be established in the home. Anger, repression or indifference characterize the atmosphere within the home and this has a direct effect on the physical, psychosocial and spiritual development of the children.
Children need safe and stable conditions around them and boundaries and discipline are part of that. In this way, they can themselves also raise healthy, responsible children who understand the effort needed to successfully face the world. They will also have a knowledge of the idea of God being the Lord of their lives, something they cannot understand without appropriate discipline.
How will they be able to learn to obey God if they do not obey their parents? If we fail in this area we will have, as the Bible says, a generation that “does not know God”, who are exposed to any type of doctrine and idea and are incapable of being critical and choosing what is best for their lives.
May God help you, dear parents, to exercise your fatherhood and motherhood with discipline because, as the verse above says, early discipline is the appropriate way to love our children.
By sharing this advice, we want to help you in the task of raising your sons and daughters. May God help you with all you do today.
Dr. Miguel and Irene Garita
Family Care Ministry
Church of the Nazarene, Mesoamerica Region
