“Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.” Proverbs 13:24 NIV
Some upset and worried mothers have told me emotional stories about their children who display selfish and aggressive behaviors to the point of almost hitting them or threatening to do so. These children are out of control and assume such a threatening, insulting and defiant attitude that their parents do not know what to do.
This situation has been increasing in many Christian homes. In defending themselves, some people blame their spouse while others blame the devil but they do not find a healthy and appropriate solution to the problem. This is because these types of behaviors in children require deep and careful analysis which involves examining the factors which lead to this behavior.
One important question to ask is, “Why is this happening?” There is no single answer to this question because there are several causes. Some of these include the unhealthy behaviors that exist in many Christian homes on the concept of authority.
Here are some others:
- Giving children control and authority:
Parents ask their children what they want to eat, which clothes they want to wear, which toys they want to play with and, from a young age, allow them to choose everything they want. Although this may seem quite normal, common or insignificant, it fosters an attitude of control in children, causing them to feel that they have the authority to choose how they want things to be. They feel independent.
This attitude is further encouraged when, for example, parents offer their children something and they refuse it. The parent then tries to offer something else in order to please the child which causes this negative attitude to grow and gives the child the power to only ask for what he or she wants.
Children are affected by this behavior in two areas, the first of which is in the learning of self-control and self-discipline when faced with frustration. When the child is not in control of a situation or if they are denied something they become extremely frustrated and act out in anger, throwing tantrums wherever they are much to their parents’ shame. Next, the child directs this anger towards their parents, blaming them for their frustration. This behaviour can eventually grow out of control and lead to aggression because these children never learned how to exercise self control.
- Parents who do not establish boundaries
The situation becomes worse if other mistakes are made, such as not establishing boundaries. This happens because some parents believe if they limit their children, they will lose their love. As a result, these parents beg their children to change or spiritualize lessons on discipline by talking about God’s love and how much they love their children and sacrifice themselves for them. However, this means nothing to the child because his or her anger has closed the door to feeling the pain and suffering of their parents. They believe they are right and that it is their parents’ fault for not granting their wishes. “I’m fine and my parents are the bad ones because they don’t give me what I want” – this is how the child thinks and this mindset ultimately closes the door to any kind of change.
If you are facing a situation like this, continue reading the articles to follow which will help you to improve how you raise your children.
May God help you in all you do today.
Dr. Miguel and Irene Garita
Family Care Ministry Mesoamerica Region
